Are you a people pleaser? Do you prioritize others before yourself? Well, it is trime for your to explore the effective practices that can help you get rid of people pleasing habits.
Are you wondering how to not be a people pleaser? Well, you are not alone. People pleasing is a behavior when you constantly put others’ needs before your own and a massive shift in priorities takes place. While it might be a nice thing to do on a surface level; this can bring some serious issues of character development when turns chronic and takes a toll on your mental health and well–being.
Whether you feel guilty about saying no to someone or always think about what others will think, pleasing people can lead to deep resentment, emotional exhaustion, and burnout. While you might think that you are being helpful, always prioritizing others can make you lose your sense of self and your own needs. It is important to express your true feelings and be authentic to yourself which improves your confidence in your decisions. Let’s find out some effective tips that can help you get rid of this situation.
10 Tips to Minimize People-pleasing Behavior
- Set Your Healthy Boundaries
Breaking from the people-pleasing habits can be a challenging task and it starts with setting your boundaries first. You have to decide what you are not willing to do and convey it clearly to others without hesitation. It might feel a little uncomfortable at the beginning but it is important to communicate about your boundaries with the close ones. Even when people try to push your boundaries, you must learn to stick to them as that was the primary purpose of it. You might be often questioned by people about your boundaries and you are not necessarily obliged to explain everyone everything. Just tell them what is possible for you and what is not and carry on with your motto.
- Always Prioritize Your Needs
You have to understand yourself before you try to understand others. Take ample time to figure out what is important to you and respond accordingly. A lot of times, people say yes to others or participate in something that they are not willing to do from the beginning. You need to ask yourself whether you need this or if you are just saying yes automatically because they are your friends. For example, you might want to do art on weekends but your friends want to hit the club. There is no need to rude to them for their desires; you can simply say that you can’t go because you have work at home. Only focus on what is truly important to you!!
- Learn to Say ‘No’ when Necessary
Saying no is perhaps the simple task that a lot of people find difficult to say. Saying no can be empowering and it is considered essential for human well-being. It is okay to refuse someone’s favor or request when do not really align with your priorities or ethics. This can feel a little uncomfortable at first but it can get easier when you can say no at the necessary times. You are not required to say just no to everyone, but try to give them brief reasons why you are unable for the task. You can apologize for not actively participating and then get back to your own priorities. Learn to say no to all kinds of people, whether friends or managers at work.
- Practice Self-compassion
Do you feel a deep compassion for others? Well, that is very kind of you. But do you show a little bit of kindness to yourself too? Most people are suffering from imposter syndrome, where they consider themselves the worst but the reality is not the same. The world is not a utopia and unkind situations can happen to you. You do not have to add to it. Always be kind to yourself as not everyone will be. Be supportive of yourself. You are doing your best and that is enough for your survival. Do not compare yourself with others. Sometimes we expect too much from ourselves and it can hurt us too.
- Focus on the Small Changes
You cannot become a highly confident person overnight when you are already people-pleasing for a long time. It takes time to get over these behaviors that have almost turned into a habit and sometimes we do not even realize it before doing a people-pleasing act. While you might not be able to say no the first day, you can focus on the small changes to bring the better you. Be confident about expressing your expectations and desires as long as they are not harmful to others. Enjoy the little moments of life and you will progress gradually.
- Stop Over-apologizing
Apologize to others only when it is absolutely necessary or else do not. Constantly saying sorry allows reinforcing the wrong idea that your needs are less valuable than the needs of others. In case you make some mistakes, you still need to be gentle with yourself. Life will provide you with plenty of opportunities to try again and you should not feel guilty of making mistakes or failing because that is how we learn things in life. Just like you can easily forgive others; learn to forgive yourself. Self-acceptance is the key to inner peace and that is how you can have a stronger personality who is not sorry for him or herself.
- Learn to Embrace Discomfort
The feeling of discomfort is quite common when you are going through some behavioral changes. Do not ignore them as these are valid feelings that need to be addressed and acknowledged. These feelings are crucial parts of your personal growth and you should carry them along with you. As mentioned before, life is not a utopia and the reality is mostly harsh. In such a situation, discomfort can become an essential part of daily life. Don’t ignore these feelings; rather accept them as a part of your authentic self.
- Seek Professional Support
Sometimes it can be hard to change your behavioral patterns and only following these tips and practices might not work properly. While self-counseling is important, you should also consider talking to a professional therapist or counselor if things get too overwhelming for you. They are professional experts who can offer you valuable guidance and encouragement that is highly needed in this case. The professionals have successfully diagnosed many individuals like you before and you need to trust them as well as the process for a better chance.
- Reflect on Your Growth
After embarking on the practice of becoming less of a people pleaser, it will take ample time for you to change your patterns and you need to stay patient through the whole phase. In order to understand your progress, you need to reflect on your growth and celebrate the little achievements that offer a massive confidence boost. Try to recognize your efforts and the positive changes you’re making in your life. The celebrations do not need to be gala but only having a pat on the back is enough to feel that you are doing well.
- Always Stay True to Yourself
The modern society is filled with pseudo personalities and most people are failing to stay authentic to themselves. You might have already known many people who have a different social media profile and appearance than their real life. It happens because they are too afraid to stay true to their own selves. Try to respect your own opinions and feelings which can help to improve your well-being and overall mental health.
Final Thoughts
People –pleasing patterns can occur for various reasons including insecurities, past traumas, perfectionisms, low self-esteem, fear of conflict and many others. Make sure to follow the aforementioned practices and seek professional help to find your true self again.
